Infertility and Failed IVF
Infertility and failed IVF
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Infertility and fertility treatment that doesn’t work can be devastating. You may have poured time, money and hope into IVF or other treatment, only to be left facing another negative result, cancelled cycle or the growing possibility that you may not have the family you imagined. It can feel like your life has been lived in two-week waits, that your body has let you down, and that everyone else is moving on while you’re stuck in grief, anger, jealousy or numbness.
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I’m a qualified and accredited therapist with over 15 years’ clinical experience in NHS Talking Therapies services and private practice, specialising in high-intensity CBT and Interpersonal Psychotherapy (IPT) for infertility, pregnancy loss, grief and major life changes. With a warm, non-judgemental approach, I offer a space where you don’t have to minimise what this has meant for you. Together, we can begin to process the losses, ease the self-blame and anxiety, and slowly make room for a future that feels more liveable – whatever shape it eventually takes.
How infertility and failed IVF can affect you
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Fertility struggles don’t just sit in one area of life. They can touch everything – how you see yourself, how you relate to others, and how you imagine the future.
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You might notice your mood dropping, with waves of sadness, emptiness or numbness that come and go without much warning. There can be intense grief for the child or children you imagined, and for the version of your life you expected to have. At the same time, it’s common to feel guilty for how you’re reacting, or to blame yourself for decisions you did or didn’t make, even when you know logically this isn’t your fault.
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Anxiety can be high too: racing thoughts about what happens next, worries about time or age, and fears about how life will look if you don’t have children. Social situations can become complicated and painful – pregnancy announcements, baby showers, children’s birthdays, or casual comments about “when it will be your turn” can all feel like a punch in the chest. You may find yourself avoiding certain people, events or social media just to get through the day.
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Relationships can come under strain. You and your partner might grieve differently or have different ideas about whether to try again, change treatment, pursue another path, or stop. Sex may feel pressured or emotionally loaded. With wider family and friends, there can be a sense of being left behind or misunderstood, especially if others move on quickly or don’t mention what’s happened.
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Work and daily life can feel flat or pointless, or, conversely, you might throw yourself into tasks and responsibilities to avoid feeling the pain. Decisions about the future – money, housing, work, family relationships – may suddenly feel more complicated than before.
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Does this resonate?
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You may notice that thoughts about infertility and failed IVF are never far away, even when you’re trying to get on with normal life. You might feel as if everything is measured against the loss – how old you’d be if treatment had worked, where you would be in a pregnancy, what life “should” look like by now. There may be a sense of isolation: knowing other people are concerned, yet still feeling deeply alone with what you’re going through.
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You might feel stuck between options – unsure whether to consider further treatment, other routes to building a family, or a life without children – and finding that each possibility brings its own mix of grief, relief, fear and uncertainty. If any of this feels familiar, it doesn’t mean you’re coping badly; it means you’re responding to something genuinely painful and complicated.
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Working together
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Therapy can offer a steady, private space where you don’t have to minimise or justify your feelings about infertility and failed treatment. With a warm, non-judgemental approach, we’ll explore what this experience has meant for you – emotionally, physically and relationally – and how it’s affecting your mood, identity, relationships and plans.
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Using CBT, we can look at patterns of thinking that may be intensifying distress: self-blame, harsh beliefs about your body or worth, catastrophic “all-or-nothing” views of the future, or constant “if only…” loops. Together, we’ll gently test out more balanced, compassionate perspectives, and build practical ways to manage difficult moments – such as handling pregnancy announcements, navigating social situations, or getting through anniversaries and key dates.
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Through IPT, we can focus on the impact on relationships: how to talk with your partner, family or friends about what you need, how to manage differences in grieving or decision-making, and how to maintain or rebuild closeness when you’ve been through something so exposing and painful. We may also look at how to ask for support without feeling like a burden, and how to set boundaries where conversations or expectations are hurtful.
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We’ll move at your pace. Sometimes the work is about getting through the next day or week; at other times, it’s about making sense of what this experience means for the life you want to build, with or without children.
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If you’re considering support
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If you’re coming to terms with infertility or failed IVF and feel stuck, overwhelmed or very alone with it all, you don’t have to carry this by yourself. Therapy can’t change what’s already happened, but it can help you process the loss, soften the self-blame, and begin to imagine a future that feels more liveable and meaningful again.
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I offer online therapy for adults across the UK and a free 30-minute initial consultation, so you can ask questions, get a sense of how I work, and decide whether this feels like the right support for you.